Loss
by boothandboneslove
Summary: How will Kurama cope when he lose's Hiei, will he fall apart?. Find out. Thank's to my beta reader RekoJ, she's a wonderful writer and she helped me alot.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note- Hey this is the first fanfiction for this fandom and this show. Please be nice. Please read and review thank you.

Disclaimers- I don't nor do I claim to own Yu yu hakusho or any of the characters that appear in this story. I am merely borrowing them for my own enjoyment.  
>LOSS<p>

"Where's the shrimp?" Kuwabara asked looking around, Kurama looked as well unable to find the small demon.

"Kurama!" Yusuke shouted. Kuwabara and Kurama started running in his direction worried that perhaps the demon they had just killed had a friend. But what they saw when they arrived was not what they had been expecting, and what Kurama wished would never happen. He ran forward his red hair trailing behind him until he dropped to his knees beside where Yusuke was already kneeling.

"What happened?" Kuwabara asked looking at Yusuke who sat there staring at Kurama before looking up at him.

"The demon just attacked him, I was too far away to help. I'm sorry Kurama, I would have helped him..." Yusuke began but Kurama shook his head.

"No Yusuke, It's not your fault, you didn't do it, It wasn't your fault." Kurama said tears on his cheeks despite the fact that he had his head bent far enough so they couldn't see his green eyes. Kurama gently pulled the small body of Hiei into his arms so that Hiei's head rested on his chest. He wiped dirt off his lovers pale cheek before gently running his hand through the spikey black hair. Hiei slowly opened his large crimson eyes and looked at Kurama.

"Why are you crying, you stupid kitsune?" Hiei asked, though the words seemed mean they were said with a small smile and Kurama knew they were affectionate. Kurama shook his head softly unable to say anything.

"Kurama," Hiei said reaching a hand up to lay on Kurama's cheek.

"You'll be okay" Kurama whispered to him.

"No I won't." Hiei replied but Kurama shook his head vigorously.

"Everything is going to be okay, you'll be fine." Kurama sobbed.

"Stop being stupid, I'm going to die and you know it." Hiei growled at him. Kurama turned his head away, he didn't want to believe the words even though he knew in his heart they were true and it killed him.

Yusuke and Kuwabara sat there for an hour watching as their short friend was held by his lover as his life slowley faded away, the poison from the demons bite to Hiei's shoulder would take almost two hours to fully spread. But despite the long time there was nothing that could be done for him, not even Genkai's and Yukina's healing abilities would be able to help him now.

"Yukina's going to be sad, she just found out Hiei's her brother and now he dies." Kuwabara said to Yuusuke anaware that Hiei had heard him.

"Then comfort her you big oaf." Hiei told him and Kuwabara's mouth fell open.

"That's your twin sister and you don't like me." Kuwabara said shocked and Hiei chuckled weakly.

"You're good for Yukina, you have a big heart even if you are an idiot. Besides you make her happy." Hiei retorted his breath becoming shallow.

"It's almost at the two hour mark." Yusuke said. After that there was no more words exchanged Kurama sat listening to his lovers breath become weaker and weaker with every minute that passed.

"Kurama I love you." Hiei said causing Kurama to cry more, no matter how many times Kurama himself had said the words Hiei never had, though Kurama knew that he did love him and so he had never pressed.

I love you too." Kurama whispered as he watched the life fade from Hiei's eyes as he died.

Author's note- Well first chapter is done, I know it's short but I'll try to make the next one longer I promise. 


	2. Chapter 2

Authers note- I know that in the japanese version of the show that Kurama's stepbrother's name is also Shuuchi but it was changed for the english dub to avoid confusion, I'm not using their japanese names in this story. So his name is Kokoto like in the english dub, so please don't send me messages saying I got his name wrong.

Kurama sat there a few more minutes still holding the limp body of the one he loved to his chest silently crying. Botan watched him in silence when she arrived to take Hiei's soul to the spirit world. Hiei looked at her nodding his head; a silent plea to just take him, he couldn't watch his lover cry over him. Botan smiled sadly at him and took him to the spirit world. Yusuke and Kuwabara had noticed when Botan had arrived but didn't say anything they didn't think that their red haired friend could handle seeing her there to collect the soul of the one he had loved. Kurama gently laid Hiei's body on the ground and stood up turning to face Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"Go home Kurama, Kuwabara and me will take his body to Gankai's." Yusuke told him and Kurama nodded walking away.

Once Kurama reached his house he opened the front door and walked in silently closing it behind him.

"Hey shuuchi's home." His stepbrother Kokoto said and Kurama watched as his mother poked her head out of the kitchen to welcome him home only to stop when she saw the tear stains on his cheeks and his red puffy eyes.

"Shuuchi sweetie what's wrong?" Shiori asked walking out of the kitchen. Kurama didn't answer her question and instead ran up the stairs slamming his bedroom door closed and locking it behind him before his mother could get in. Kurama fell on his bed and started crying once again folding his hands against his chest, they had Hiei's blood on them and he was thankful his mother had not seen the blood. He heard his mother knocking loudly on the door as she called his human name again and again but he refused to open his door and face her or anybody for that matter. Gradually the knocks on his door became less and less until they finally stopped all together and he was left to the silence of his room staring at the window.

Kurama woke up screaming his long red hair mattted to his forehead and his breath coming out in short gasps and once again the knocking on his door and his mother's voice was there once again this time joined by the voice of his stepfather Kazuya's voice as well. Again Kurama said nothing drawing his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and sobbing. He had fallen asleep earlier without realizing it and the now dried blood still covered his hands but he didn't want to open the door until Kazuya and his mother went back to bed.

"Shuuchi please open the door. Why were you screaming just now, why were you crying earlier, what's wrong?" his mother asked through the door the worry clear in her kind voice but Kurama still refused to open the door.

"Just let him be honey, he obviously doesn't want to talk right now." Kazuya said. Kurama sat there for an hour to make sure his mother would have gone back to sleep before he climbed out of his bed grabbing, a set of clothes and walking to the bathroom. Kurama turned the shower on and just stood under the warm spray letting the water wash away the dirt and grime from that day's battle as well as the blood that clung to his hands. Once his shower was done and he had dressed he walked back to his room slowly crawling into bed and burying his face into a pillow. Kurama started to cry once again as he remembered the dream that had woken him. Hiei was laying dying, he was completely alone there was nobody there for him. And Kurama stood there and watched, he had no other choice, no matter how much he fought he couldn't get close to Hiei and it hurt him so much. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note- I know that the chapters are short but I try to make them as long as possible.

The next day Kurama sat on his window sill staring out at the rain as it hit the glass and thought about the many times Hiei had snuck through the very same window he now looked out of. He had been up since he had awoken from the nightmare. He didn't want to sleep or close his eyes in fear of reliving the moment Hiei died again. His mother had knocked on his door periodically throughout the day but he still refused to unlock it or answer her questions. He knew she was probably ready to have Kazuya break down his door but he didn't care, he didn't think she would actually do it. Kurama laid his forehead against the cold class of the window and closed his eyes sighing in sadness for the hundredth time. He could think of nothing but Hiei, his eyes, his voice, his temper, his anger, the gentlness when he touched him that nobody would expect him to be capable of, his laugh, everything. He wanted to cry but it seemed to him he had run out of tears to cry hours before, he no longer shed any tears now it was just broken sobs that shook his body.

"Hey Kurama come on open up, it's us." Yusuke's voice called through the door but he ignored him as well.

"Come on we're worried about you, your mom said you haven't come out of your room or talked since you got home yesterday." Kuwabara said after a few minutes.

"Kurama please open up, I want to talk with you." Botan told him her voice sounding sad even through the wood of the door and Kurama wanted to hate her for taking the spirit of the person he loved but couldn't bring himself to hate her even a little bit. She was his friend and she was only doing her job and he knew it must have hurt her as well to collect the spirit of her friend.

"Fine be that way." Yusuke said annoyed after a few more minutes of him not saying anything.

"Uramashi leave him alone, he just watched his lover die yesterday not to mention the fact he died in his arms. You can't blame him for not wanting to talk." Kuwabara told yusuke and Kurama heard their footsteps as they left. Kurama sighed once again as he curled up in his bed his knees pulled up closly to his chest his arms wrapped around them as he buried his face into his pillow.

Kurama woke up to his stepbrother knocking on his door about an hour after he laid down unaware that he had fallen asleep.

"Shuuichi, Shiori told me to tell you dinners done and that it's outside your door if you want it." Kokoto called but again he remained silent. "Look I don't know what's wrong but you're my stepbrother and I care for you, if I can get over you being a demon and get over the fact your dating that short demon Hiei or whatever his name is then I think I can get over anything you tell me. What I'm trying to say is if you want to talk you know where to find me." He said before leaving and Kurama once again began to cry at the mention of Hiei's name. 


	4. Chapter 4

Soon four days had past since Hiei died, the knocks on his door became more frequent and the worry in his mother's voice increased with the number of days that passed and still Kurama refused to unlock his door for anyone or speak. His mother would leave a tray with food outside his door and he would open his door to retrieve it once the person had left. The fact that the food was eaten was the only way Shiori knew her son was still alive in his room and she worried about what had happened to make her usually happy son so distant from her. She had always been close to her son, he was her only child and she had always assured him that he could tell her anything without fear of being judged but now he was silent.

Shiori was in the kitchen doing the dishes when a knock came at the door, she hurried to the door drying her hands on her apron as she went. "Yes?" She asked opening the door to reveal her son's friends some she had met before but there was a few new ones she didn't know.

"Hey, can we speak with Kurama?" the tall copper haired one asked, she remembered his name being Kazuma though Shuuichi always called him Kuwabara.

"I'm afraid he still has not come out of his room, he won't even speak." She told them sadly

"Can we try?" Kuwabara asked and she nodded stepping aside to let the people in.

"I'm afraid I don't know all of you." she told them closing the door.

"This is Yukina" Kuwabara said pointing to a young girl with red eyes and she smiled at Shiori shyly.

"I'm Koenma" a tall brown haired teenager sucking on a pacifier said.

"My name is Gankai." A short older woman said she had pink wavy hair and Shiori nodded smiling at the three new people.

"Perhaps you could tell me what is wrong with Shuuchi?" she asked and the black haired boy she rembered as Yusuke nodded.

"Well you remember how Kurama told you about him being a demon?" he asked and Shiori nodded wondering how she could forget the day she found her son wasn't really who she thought he was at all.

"And I'm sure you remember Hiei and that he's a demon as well." Yusuke said and she nodded again wondering for the first time where the short young man who had won her sons heart was, she had not seen him in quite awhile.

"Well the day that this all started with Kurama was the day Hiei died." Yusuke finshed and Shiori stared at him for a few moments while his words sunk in.

'Died? He's dead.' She thought as she struggled to remain up right and not cry.

"I think you should sit down mrs. Hatanaka." Kuwabara said stepping closer and grabbing her arm and leading her to the couch.

"He's dead?" she asked as the tears finally came, she had liked the small demon very much and had grown to see him as a part of her family because of how much he had meant to her son. Yusuke nodded his head at her.

"My brother really loved your son, he wasn't so good at showing his emotions but he did love him." The girl Yukina said in a quiet voice as tears fell down her cheeks solidifying and falling into her lap as small blue gems.

"I know he did." Shiori whispered as she wiped at her tears.

"I didn't know you cared for Hiei so much." Yusuke told her and she looked at him.

"I know how much he meant to Shuuichi, his prescence just seemed to make him happier. I know that love, I had it with Shuuichi's father and I have it now with his stepfather, that is what allows me to understand the pain my son must be feeling. There was a time I didn't think I would be able to go on after I lost Shuuichi's father, but I did because Shuuichi needed me." she explained.

"We thought Kurama would have told you what happened by now." the older woman named Gankai said.

"No, he did not. You may see if he will answer to you guys if you want." Shiori said and the five nodded heading up the stairs.

"Kurama open the door or I'm using my spirit gun and shooting it open." Yusuke told him through the door. Kurama thought about ignoring him but knowing Yusuke he wasn't joking about shooting his door open and his mother would not be happy if that happened. Kurama walked to his door unlocking it but still refused to say anything.

Yusuke opened the door once he heard the lock unclick and they all walked in.

"Kurama it's been four days and you haven't talked or left your room." Yusuke said but still Kurama remained silent.

"Kurama you can't just sit in here and cry." Yusuke told him. "Get over it, he's dead." Yusuke added, he understood that Kurama was hurting but sitting in his room wasn't doing him any good and he knew that Hiei probably wouldn't have wanted him to do what he was doing. Yusuke knew what he said was mean considering the circumstances but there was a reason he said it.

"Get over it? You're telling me to get over it! What do you expect me to do? Not to be upset about it?. It's only been four days Yusuke, it takes longer then that to grieve the death of somebody you loved." Kurama shouted and Yusuke grinned knowing his plan had worked. He knew that if he made Kurama angry he would yell and in a way that was talking, yelling was better then Kurama not saying anything.

"See? You're talking." Yusuke said and Kurama glared at him as he put two and two together.

"Kurama I wanted to give this to you." Yukina said softly grabbing his hand and pushing something into his palm before curling his fingers around it. Kurama opened his hand to see Hiei's mother Hina's tear gem in his palm.

"This is your mother's tear gem." He whispered trying to give it back to her but she shook her head.

"Hiei would want you to have it, mother cried for him. It belonged to him not to me." She told him.

"I can't take this." Kurama said.

"Yes you can, he would have wanted you to have it." she retorted smiling and Kurama stood up hugging Hiei's beloved sister gently to which she returned the hug. 


	5. Chapter 5

Kurama sat on his bed once they had all left staring at the tear gem that now hung around his neck. It had belonged to Hiei, it had been his most precious possiession because it had belonged to his mother, a woman who had shed tears for him, a woman who loved him despite what the elders had dubbed him, a woman he never met but could remember despite being just a baby.

"Shuuichi may I come in?" his mother asked even though he had not moved to close the door since Yukina, Yusuke, Koenma, Gankai, and Kuwabara had left since he was too busy remembering Hiei.

"Mother," he said his voice cracking as he started to cry and his mother rushed to him, sitting beside him on the bed and taking him into her arms letting him bury his head into her breast much like he had as a child and gently rocking him back and forth as he cried.

"I know what happened, honey why didn't you tell me?" Shiori asked.

"I don't want him to be gone mother, I miss him so much." He sobbed and Shiori kissed the top of his head.

"It's hard to lose the person you love, I know that." she told him.

"He needed me and I couldn't do anything save him, all I could do was hold him in my arms as he died." Kurama said sobbing harder as his mother rocked him back and forth and rubbed his hair as though he was a child, but it was comforting so he did nothing to stop it.

"How did he die?" she asked.

"A demon we were fighting bit him on the shoulder and the poison from the bite spread through his body and killed him, it took two hours to spread but despite how long it would take to kill there was nothing that could be done for him," he explained.

"I'm so sorry sweetie." Shiori told him knowing it was of little comfort but it was the only comfort she could offer her distraught son.

Shiori held her son in her arms as he cried himself to sleep, she doubted he had slept much in these four days from the dark circles that surrounded his green eyes. She sighed sadly, his eyes which were once a bright green filled with life and happiness were now dull and filled with pain. Shiori thought it was as if a part of his soul had died along with Hiei, which she was sure he probably felt like.

"Shiori what are you doing?" her husband asked from the doorway.

"Shhh, he's sleeping." she replied putting her finger to her lips as she still held her son protectivly to her chest and petted his hair soothingly.

"What are you doing?" He asked again his voice quiet so he wouldn't wake the sleeping boy in his wife's arms.

"Hiei died, that's what this whole thing was about all along. He was in pain so he closed himself off." Shiori explained and her husband sat on the bed beside her.

"Hiei, was that the short kid with the spikey hair?" he asked and she knodded her in confirmination.

"Poor Shuuichi, I rember how he would look at that kid, like he could see nothing else and nobody else in this entire world. Like he was the only thing that mattered to him, like he wanted to hold him and never let him go. The kid was silent and kinda creepy with those red eyes of his and the way he would just sit there and stare unmoving for hours, but he meant alot to Shuuichi. And about half the time he was over here it was Shuuichi that he was staring at, never did understand how that didn't make him uncomfortable." he said and Shiori laughed softly.

"He did always stare at Shuuichi didn't he, even though sometimes it was not his face that he would stare at. Sometimes he would just stare at his hands, other times the way his leg sometimes shakes. And once or twice I caught him staring at Shuuichi's rear." she laughed again at the shocked look on her husbands face.

"Never even thought those kind of thoughts ran through his mind." he said shaking his head as though to shake out the words. 


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later and Kurama agreed to leave his room for the first time since Hiei had died, though he knew his mother was still worried about him he also knew she was happy to see him out of his room. Even if the reason he left was to go vist the place Hiei was buried, which Gankai had told him was on her properity so that his friends in the human world would be able to say their respects to him as well as his sister.

"Why did you have to get bitten?" Kurama asked the simple stone Gankai had told him marked Hiei's resting place as he began to cry. "I thought you loved me," he said as he collapsed to his knees.  
>"Yukina gave me your mother's tear gem she said you would have wanted me to have it" he told him smiling sadly in a barely there quirk of his lips. "Hiei I miss you." he sobbed tracing his fingers over the cool stone. Kurama sat there silently wondering if Hiei was at all still around in the spirt world, but Koenma probably wouldn't tell him.<p>

When Kurama returned home Koenma was sitting on his couch being bothered by his stepbrother who continued to ask him question after question barely pausing to take a breath in between let alone let Koenma answer.

"Are you going to be Shuuichi's new boiyfriend?" he asked and before he had the chance to ask another question Kurama stood behind him.

"Not if he was the last person on earth, he's a child in the demom world barely 500 years old, not to mention he sucks on that thing all day and all he does is sit behind a desk and stamps papers." Kuram told him.

"Why do you suck on a pacifier?" his stepbrother asked.

"It's not a pacifier it's what gives me my demon energy." Koenma explained.

"What do want Koenma?" Kurama asked before his brother could ask another question.

"I have a j..." he began but Kurama stopped him.

"I am not doing a job for you, do it yourself." Kurama growled.

"You're a spirit detective." Koenma said standing up.

"I just watched the person I love die because of you and you really think I'm going to do anything for you, well I can assure you I'm not. If you don't like it then lock me up." Kurama said fisting his hand into the coller of Koenma's outfit. He hated Koenma now knowing that if it hadn't been for that dumb case Hiei would still be alive.

"Kurama I could not have known Hiei would have been bitten." Koenma stated calmly though in his heart he actually feared death from the angry red head who held him in his tight grasp, fox demons tended to get vicious once they had lost their mate and he knew that.

"He died because of you, it's all your fault." Kurama whispered his grip on Koenma loosening as he started to cry and he fell to his knees, he let go of the spirit world prince as he fell and wrapped his arms tightly around his chest.

"Kurama I miss him as well, believe it or not I did consider Hiei my friend." Koenma admitted.

"Get out of my home!" Kurama shouted at him.

"What?" Koenma asked taken aback by the anger that returned to the red haired boy's voice.

"I said get out of my home!" Kurama shouted again standing up and Koenma disappeared once again worried for his life. Kurama ran up to his room ignoring his mother's worried hand on his arm.

Kurama cried himself to sleep once again that night around 4:56 am after reliving Hiei's death again and again, as he thought about just how unfair it was. Kurama woke up again two hours later feeling a familiar Ki in his room. He shook his head, there was just no way that the Ki was actually there, he had to be imagining things, but it really did feel as though Hiei was there.

"Your mind's just playing tricks on you Kurama, Hiei died he's not really here." he whispered to himself, if Hiei had actually been there he would have called him stupid for letting his mind play tricks on him. Kurama laid down again closing his eyes and sighed. "As long as I'm imaginig things I may as well go back to sleep. it feels so much like your here Hiei, like you can see me, like your watching over me, it's comforting." He said softly drifting off into sleep once again clutching the tear gem he wore around his neck as though it were a lifeline.

For three months after he had felt the familer Ki in his room it had returned everynight, he thought maybe he really was losing his mind but he didn't care it was still comforting to feel it as he fell asleep. He no longer cried for Hiei, though it did not mean he no longer loved him or missed him. His heart was finally healing from the tragic death of his lover who had died in his arms. He continued to wear the tear gem around his neck, he had vowed never to take it off, it meant too much to him and he always wanted it close to his heart.

"I love you Hiei." he said one night grabbing the tear gem that hung around his neck as he fell asleep.

THE END Aurthor's note- Well this is the final chapter hoped you enjoyed it, I might write an epilogue to this story, it all depends on if I get any ideas. Please read and review thank you. 


	7. Eplogue

Koenma sat at his desk stamping papers as Botan entered his office; her eyes shining with tears she had yet to shed, her blue hair hung around her shoulders unbound tonight and he looked up at her realizing for the first time she was not alone.

"He will be fine," the spirt of Hiei told him in his usual cold voice and Koenma smiled, he had agreed to allow Botan to accompany the spirit of Hiei to the human world three months ago to watch over Kurama until Hiei felt he had finally let him go.

"He finally let you go?" Koenma asked and Hiei nodded.

"He no longer needs me to watch over him." Hiei replied.

"I'm sorry." Koenma said knowing Hiei still hurt from seeing his lover cry and not being able to comfort him.

"He couldn't see me anyway, Kuwabara did but I knew he wouldn't say anything to Kurama that held a chance of hurting him more. He could feel my Ki though he said it was comforting" Hiei retorted knowing what Koenma met.

"Yes well that's why Kuwabara is a spirit detective, he can sense things unlike Kurama." Koenma told him and Hiei nodded opening his mouth like he wanted to say something before closing it again.

"You're welcome." Koenma said knowing what Hiei wanted to say but couldn't and Hiei nodded again leaving his office, leaving him and Botan alone in the process.

"That was a very nice thing you did for them," She said walking over to him and bending down kissing his cheek softly.

"Ye,s well." He retorted removing his energy thing from his mouth and pecking her cheek in return still slightly nervous despite their relationship for the past two months.

"I'm happy that's your only form now," she said brushing some of his brown hair from his forehead.

"Yes well I'm no longer considered a child," he told her and she smiled as she sat in his lap.

"No that you are not." She said softly as she finally let her tears fall as she laid her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. Koenma held her as she cried, he knew she was feeling guilty again.

"They didn't tell me when Hiei was going to die, why?" she asked sobbing into his shoulder.

"They didn't tell me eiether Bow, they were worried we would tell Kurama and he would try to stop it," he explained using the pet name he had given her.

The next night Kurama noticed that the feeling of Hiei's Ki did not return, but he thought it was only because his imagination no longer felt the need to trick him any longer by making him feel like something was there when it wasn't. He still wore the tear gem around his neck, and had gotten several questions about it in school from teachers and follow students. Whenever the question was asked he would simply reply. "It belonged to the person I loved before he died," grabbing the tear gem and frowning slightly at his memories. Nobody bothered him more then that when they saw the look on his face, he was still well loved in his school. He still went to vist Hiei's resting place from time to time to pay his respects. His mother no longer worried about him like she had in the beginning, but he knew she still felt sorry for him about Hiei's death, but he could do nothing to stop that.

Hiei's spirit longed for Kurama, he still missed his fox and that would never change. The spirits of the dead traveled the spirt world as they pleased. Hiei had met a few that had been there for a long time, and found the emotions and memories from your life never faded away. He let a small smile at this fact happy that no matter how long he was without the fox he was happy he would never forget him and the love he felt for Kurama would always remain. He never thought leaving behind the living world would be so painful but then he had never thought Kurama would cry so hard over him. He knew what his sister had given to Kurama and he was happy she had, she was right Hiei had wanted Kurama to have it. He knew Kurama would take care of his mother's tear gem just as he had done, and it was the only thing he had to give his lover that meant anything. 


End file.
